Testy Tinker: “Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn!”

Beautiful Bijou: “I can't believe I ate the whole thing.”

Sassy Sophia: You know how to whistle don't you?

Tactile Toby: “ More, please, sir!”

Bashful Bonnie: “ I like it, I really, really like it!”

Boisterous Bella: “Ah, sweet mystery of life, at last I found you!”

Talkative Tippy: “As God is my witness, I will never go hungry again.”

Fearless Fellini: “Go ahead....make my day!”

"Having recently purchased a manufacturing plant, my second announcement will put Finicky Feline Feast on the books as the most innovative cat food company in the world. It is my pleasure to announce a sister company for Finicky Feline Feast. This arm of Finicky Feline Feast is anticipated to thrill entrepreneurs who will be lining up to purchase our franchises which will be offered publicly.

"With the acquisition of this manufacturing branch of Finicky Feline Feast, we expect production to be in full force by August 1. Operating under the trademarked name 'Official Unequivocal Cat Happiness' or 'OUCH.' Our first run of state-of-the-art mouse traps, will be ready for distribution by September 1.
"Thank you for your participation, this meeting is now adjourned."

As you can imagine, having eight cats makes my cat food shopping quite a task. Since I accumulated my cats slowly, I did not get into the habit of shopping at the big factory outlet pet food stores until recently. A quick trip to the local grocery store always managed to get me out of a spot if I happened to find myself short one or two cans. With eight cats however,  some major shopping adjustments had to be made. Shopping for food and litter for my feline crowd, by necessity, has become an organized weekly affair.

When I first ventured into one of these major pet venues, I was overwhelmed at the wide variety and huge choice owners were
On my last cat food safari I stood in front of the massive display announcing "Food For Your Precious Cat". Honest, that's what the sign said. There were big cans, little cans, dry food, semi-dry food, bags, boxes and plastic containers. There were a multitude of flavours to choose from including chicken and cheese, duck and quail, tuna and egg, salmon, whitefish, kitty stew, turkey and giblet, chicken and rice, mackerel, pate deluxe, pate Wellington (I kid you not) tuna, beef, liver; choice cuts, segments, chunky, kitten food, middle age food, senior food and diet food. The labels showed calico cats, Persian cats, black cats, kittens, mother cats, grey cats, brown cats, tabby cats, white cats, and even a cat wearing a crown.
Now the names of these brands also fascinate me, there are names like Miss Kitty, Precious Pet, Fluffy Feline, Feline Delight, Sophisticat, Exquisite Cat; Pampered Pet, Whiskers, Savoury Selection and my own personal favorite--Cats Rule.
One almost needs a degree in veterinary medicine or husbandry to make the right choice. Heaven help us if we choose a flavor our precious cats don't like. I'm sure they wouldn't starve and shrink to skin and bones or become reclusive due to the trauma inflicted on them by their cruel human, but I still don't want to take any chances.
Struggling to remember, I was sure last week I got a supply of Gourmet Pate, Savoury Salmon, and Beef Stew along with Turkey & Giblets for Sunday. I have to make sure I don't duplicate the same menu this week. This time I'll get them some chicken and rice, pate Wellington, liver and beef. They can have the soft morsel treats for dessert and the dry food is left out all the time. Maybe I'll pick up an few extra packages of soft treats to give them for a bedtime snack. Last week they had salmon flavoured morsels, so it will be chicken flavored this week.
I spent the better part of an hour reading labels, making decisions, putting cans into my shopping cart only to remove and replace them three or four times. When I finally had an appropriately diverse selection, the marathon finally was finished. Two stock kids helped me load my car and I drove home picturing how happy my kitty kids would be when I walked through the door loaded down with these treats.

"As Chairman of Finicky Feline Feast, I am thrilled to have the opportunity of making two important announcements today.
The first one is regarding the latest revolutionary repast from our kitchens. As sure as my name is Samuel J. Hoogenbloom, this one is a winner!
With the implementation of its resourceful ingredient, not only cat owners around the world will be singing our praises but we will be applauded by environmental groups worldwide for helping to maintain a planetary balance. The main ingredient in this gastronomical fare is inexpensive, easily obtainable and will propel our own Finicky Feline Feast to the forefront of the pet food industry.
I would now like to present to you, for your dining pleasure, your first taste of our masterpiece:

                   'Le Mousee Magnifique' "
As I drove home I started thinking about all those labels and flavors. Did the companies who supplied them have a team of taste testing cats whom they deliberate with about critical decisions on feeding the feline world? I'll have to look into this further. Maybe I can find a job for a couple of mine so they can contribute to their room & board. There is no doubt they would be ideal consultants for a manufacturing firm. I can just imagine a  company meeting. It would probably go something like this:
While departing from the meeting, the following was heard:

Testy Tinker: ”Why don't you come up and see me sometime?”

Beautiful Bijou: “Tomorrow's another day.”

Sassy Sophia: “Goodness had nothing to do with it.”

Bashful Bonnie: “I never dreamed a mere physical experience could be so stimulating.”

Boisterous Bella: “This could be the start of a beautiful friendship.”

Tactile Toby: “Years from now when you talk about this, and you will, be kind.”

Talkative Tippy: ”Play it again, Sam.”

Fearless Fellini: “I coulda been a contender.”

Lynn Perrier
© 2001 

presented with. When I was a kid, as I recall, there wasn't any manufactured cat food. I can remember my mom feeding our cats milk and bread. Of course they always got a few morsels passed to them under the table. As I got a little older things progressed. You then had a choice of canned foods. You could have dog food or cat food. That was it. Those were the choices. No confusion there. Well guess what? Some might find fault with that diet but my cats were always happy and healthy and although I don't remember specifically, they probably weren't picky either.
Now of course my cats would sit there nonchalantly waiting to taste this new dish, confident in their knowledge they were doing the company a favor.

When they were finished, I know exactly what their comments would be:
Artwork by the incredible Victorian painter of cats                                      Louis Wain
The content of this page is copyright material. Use of the article in its entirety, portions of the article, or private pictures included herein is strictly prohibited and may not be published, reprinted or duplicated in any manner without the express permission of the author.

                                       [email protected]